She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i will never coherently bang her
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
