just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
