he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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