I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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