I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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