: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
