sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
