he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
wow bdsm is so cute
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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