I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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