Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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