i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
