Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
