I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
