For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
