just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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