I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
