i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
