Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
