I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
