I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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