you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize