I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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