She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
