apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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