was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
