He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i now understand why vodka
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
