I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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