I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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