So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
