so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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