i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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