just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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