I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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