Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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