Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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