just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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