Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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