Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
