chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Michael Bay diarrhea
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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