Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
