Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
