I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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