Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
