She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
