I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
