So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
