At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
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I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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