i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
