Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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