An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
