Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
