theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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