I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
