my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize