I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
