Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
