Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
