ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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