There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
