She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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