please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
