I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
