so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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