i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
