Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
