Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
