I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
