grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
