is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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