What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
