If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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