ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
