I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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