Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
