what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
