Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
