Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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