I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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