dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
