My room smells like vodka and shame
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
