im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
