You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
